Taking a Step Back

Hey! How’s your summer going?! Can you believe the year is already half over? I swear the older I get the faster the months seem to go by.

If you’ve been by the blog lately, then you’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted about anything recently. I’ve had good intentions to write about a few different things that have been happening over the last few months but I honestly have stayed so busy I just haven’t taken time to slow down and write them. I’d like to say that will change and I’ll be writing more in the coming months but honestly I don’t know if that would be true and I hate saying I’m going to do something and then not do it. So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens but it is on my mind to share more and I hope to make it happen.

I’ve been wanting to share what I’m about to for some time now but have kept putting it off. Do you remember back in October when Vinni died? Well after that happened I really struggled with grief. I had never had to put a horse down before and it was hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be, even knowing his time was coming to an end because of the cancer and putting him down was the best way I could help him and keep him from being in pain any longer. Having Rumor come to live with me, definitely softened the grief some and helped keep my mind moving forward and thinking positive but I still struggled.

I like to think I’m a strong person and it was that strength that kept me from sitting around crying and instead pushing forward in a new barrel racing career with Rumor. I truly enjoy riding Rumor and going to shows. I love the adrenaline rush and the challenge of barrel racing. I love the bond that Rumor and I have developed the past few months together. The very last show we went to, I finally felt like we were working as a team and had figured each other out. We actually were .001 seconds away from placing in the 4D.

But here’s the thing, riding and going to shows became a chore. I felt like I HAD to do it. I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to, it was because I had too. I felt like I had to because I felt like that was the only way I was going to not let the memories of Vinnie get to me. I thought if I kept pushing forward it would be alright and I’d eventually get over it.

And on top of all of that, every horse I owned was having health issues and I was constantly seeing the Vet. I swear I think this Winter/Spring I was the top paying client for my vets. Months before Vinnie passed I was taking him to see the Vet almost weekly because his tumors were growing that quickly. Then I had to put him down. Then Gracie started having stifle issues again. Then a month went by and Gracie had a nose bleed and we had to scope her. We thought she had a tumor growing in her nose. Then Te came up lame and was diagnosed with Pre-Laminitis. I’m telling you, it was just one problem after the next and it was taking a hard toll on me mentally. I was starting to feel like I shouldn’t even own horses.

So after the last show, which just so happened to be the last one until August, I decided to take a step back from riding/horses and do some other things. By doing this, I was hoping that I would get over these negative feelings I was having and get back to enjoying them again. Luckily, it worked out perfect to take a step back at the time I did because NC weather has been extremely hot, like in the upper 90s a lot of days and it’s been raining off and on. I’m not one to ride when it’s that hot out, so I didn’t have the added pressure of feeling guilty for not riding. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just neglect the horses, I could never do that but instead I just decided I didn’t HAVE TO ride and it was ok if I didn’t bath them every week or buy something new for them. (I have a horse shopping problem and I would buy treats, salt blocks, new grooming stuff, new supplements, anything to keep my horses healthy and happy.) I was taking a step back from spoiling them and riding but not from still providing the proper care that they deserve. I could not and never will neglect my horses so do not think that. They still got tons of kisses, tons of hugs and groomed. They even got a bath here and there. They just got some time off while I got time off. No lunging. No riding. No hooking up the trailer to go places.

It’s now been a little over a month since I last rode and I’m starting to miss riding more and more. That passion and love I have for it is slowly coming back and the negative feelings are going away. I’m at peace with losing Vinnie and now that the horses have been healthy and problem free (knock on wood) I’m starting to remember why I love owning them so much. I guess owning horses is like a relationship. You go through ups and downs. It’s never going to be happy and problem free all the time.  The bumps are what make the good times better.

I’m not planning to jump back into riding right now. It’s still too hot (99 on Sat and humid as all get out!!) but when the weather does cool down, I’m ready to saddle up.

So Tell Me…

Have you ever gone through a period like this in your time owning horses? How did you cope?